Bertie Bookkeeper diary: Log jam

Corporate Lodge

4 June, 2026

Bertie Bookkeeper diary entry.

It's Thursday morning in The Lodge.

The Board of DamX, the Lodge's main operating company, is meeting.

As Chief Log Officer (CLO) I'm chairing and I'm casting anxious looks at the collected Beavers around the oak log.

The mood is fraught, tense.

Elon Beaver has just finished his latest slide show and is looking pleased with himself.

He has big plans for the forthcoming ILO (Initial Log Offering), but members of the board are less than enthusiastic.

I feel the need to ask the question that's on everyone's lips.

"Elon, at 135 logs per share, you're valuing us at one 1.75 trillion logs. You're looking to raise 75 billion logs. That's a hell of a figure.

"This would make us the largest initial public raising of logs, anywhere. I'm not sure that there are even that many logs out there."

There's an intake of breadth around the room.

Elon is fidgeting with his personal log.

He stares back at me.

He trumpets: "A 1.7 trillion log valuation sounds... completely insane. Right? But you have to look at it from... from first principles. The total addressable log market here is the largest in beaver history.

"We aren't just launching logs. We’re combining Damlink with... with external log infrastructure. Putting massive log centres outside Bookkeeper Wood because we're fundamentally log-constrained here.

"And... uh... we need the logs. Like, a massive amount of logs, to build our new colony. We need to get a million beavers to the new Mars Colony to ensure... species-level redundancy. Because, you know... we don't want to end up like the dinosaurs. Dinos didn't have a Mars Colony programme. So...yeah. This ILO is just a tool to keep the light of consciousness alive. It's...it's like next-level beaver."

I stare ahead, looking for a point somewhere in the long distance.

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